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Author Topic:   Sylvester Stallone's John Glenn biopic
Duke Of URL
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Posts: 1316
From: Syracuse, NY
Registered: Jan 2005

posted 06-24-2010 09:43 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Duke Of URL   Click Here to Email Duke Of URL     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I was cruising around on the web when a headline that, for a moment, looked like "Sylvester Stallone planning John Glenn biopic".

When I came to, I saw it was John Gotti, not Glenn. But then I got to thinking - always a dangerous undertaking - what if it WAS a John Glenn picture starring Sly? Who would play Big Al... Gordo... Gus... Deke... Wally and the Dynamic Pioneer?

I'm not going to sleep tonight wondering how Sly can work Burt Young into the picture and the name of the evil cosmonaut he battles in the film's climax.

Delta7
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Posts: 1577
From: Bluffton IN USA
Registered: Oct 2007

posted 06-24-2010 10:17 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Delta7   Click Here to Email Delta7     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Burt Young: "Wally, I didn't panic and pull no pin. The hatch just blew!"

jasonelam
Member

Posts: 693
From: Monticello, KY USA
Registered: Mar 2007

posted 06-25-2010 11:00 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for jasonelam   Click Here to Email jasonelam     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Perhaps Mr. Gorsky as the name of the nemesis?

mjanovec
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Posts: 3811
From: Midwest, USA
Registered: Jul 2005

posted 06-25-2010 01:36 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for mjanovec   Click Here to Email mjanovec     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I would cast Mr. T as Gus Grissom.

"I pity the fool who says I blew the hatch."

ea757grrl
Member

Posts: 738
From: South Carolina
Registered: Jul 2006

posted 06-25-2010 10:23 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for ea757grrl   Click Here to Email ea757grrl     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I'm already picturing Sly-as-Glenn out running around CCAFS to get in shape, culminating in his triumphant jog up the ramp at LC-14, where he reaches the top and throws his fists in the air....

Wehaveliftoff
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Posts: 2343
From:
Registered: Aug 2001

posted 06-28-2010 07:22 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Wehaveliftoff     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
John Glenn is taller than Sly. How will this fly?

Duke Of URL
Member

Posts: 1316
From: Syracuse, NY
Registered: Jan 2005

posted 06-28-2010 09:15 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Duke Of URL   Click Here to Email Duke Of URL     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
It's not supposed to fly, it's a Sylvester Stallone movie. It just sits there on your plate like a huge mound of overcooked (but, oddly enough, half-baked at the same time) lasagna.

There are a bunch of in the 'cuse that view it as our duty as Italians to see every Sylvester Stallone picture at the fanciest multiplex in town. We pay our $6 - we go to the matinee because we're old enough for the discount and cheap enough to take it - buy our Roger Ebert Tub 'O' Death size popcorn plus a $4.49 jug of colored sugar water and proceed to the loge.

There to be entranced by 2 solid hours of grunting and dialog like, "Hey, Carmine, you may know what you know, but it ain't you know, you know?" followed by a bell ringing, general mayhem and more grunts. Of course we wait until the love scenes to get some Gummi Worms and JuJi Fruits to act as floss for the popcorn.

To our horror as we return to our seats we've crossed several dimensions - it was that damn iridium coil melting the popcorn's butter flavored palm oil based topping. It has shorted and opened a door to a strange universe where Sly IS playing John Glenn! We're Italians and have to watch!

So we sit down and watch the picture. Sly is, indeed, John Glenn and has been challenged by the feared 7'4" 345 pound cosmonaut Boris Bulba (the Russians don't have our size limits because their rockets are bigger).

Boris Bulba beats the white off John Glenn. He sits bloody, bruised and battered in his corner Then his trainer Scott Carpenter shouts desperately, "Remember Magnet A**!"

The Rocky music starts....out comes Boris Bulba and nearly tears Glenn's head off. But all of a sudden Glenn smashes a right to Bulba'a midsection! He's really serving Bulba Rib Roast with all these body shots! Finally Boris Bulba is knocked out.

Someone drapes Glenn with the flag, and right there he negotiates ASTP, visits to MIR and the joint venture to build the ISS.

Finally, the revelation that Rocky music is a constant throughout the dimensions dawns when the credits roll over the Rocky Theme Song.

When we slip through the portal back to our Earth we hip SETI to this fact. By playing the Rocky Tune and, especially "Eye Of The Tiger" we make contact with these beings. Sylvester Stallone becomes head of the UN and Frank Stallone is given NASA's highest honor.

Then I came to, and it was still Gotti.

issman1
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Posts: 1066
From: UK
Registered: Apr 2005

posted 06-29-2010 03:25 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for issman1     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Chiaki Mukai played by Megan Fox in a NASA swimsuit?

garymilgrom
Member

Posts: 1976
From: Atlanta, GA
Registered: Feb 2007

posted 06-29-2010 09:48 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for garymilgrom   Click Here to Email garymilgrom     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Hello Hollywood? We've had a problem...

Delta7
Member

Posts: 1577
From: Bluffton IN USA
Registered: Oct 2007

posted 06-29-2010 03:48 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Delta7   Click Here to Email Delta7     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
With Dolph Lundgren starring as Vitaly Gorchenko, a genetically-engineered "Super Cosmonaut" who can compute rendezvous trajectories faster than any on-board computer, and pick up massive lunar boulders and hurl them at Stallone (Glenn) during the epic battle for claim to Tranquility Base;

(The late) Burgess Meredith as Xavier "Corky" Fitzsimmons, the crusty old astronaut trainer, known for wearing a knit cap, t-shirt and towel around his shoulders while at his console in mission control;

Mr. T as the Mohawk-sporting jewelry-festooned astronaut Cornelius "T-Bone" Hawkins, a former test pilot rival of Glenn's who followed him into the astronaut corps and has an irrational fear of simulators ("I pity the foo who thinks I'm gonna go through a launch abort scenario in that train wreck death box! ... Pity the foo!")

Brigitte Nielsen as sultry, designer space suit-wearing cosmonaut Yelena Gagarinova, who turns against her Soviet masters and joins forces with Glenn in his battle against Gorchenko, despite being mistrusted by Corky Fitzsimmons who advises Glenn he's a "fool" for letting a dame, a Commie one at that, to take his eye off of the lunar prize.

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